Snoring
the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The
vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles
and
he will stop snoring. "Yeah right!" she says.
A
few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The
wife
tosses
and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the
closet
and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the
dog's
testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!
Later
that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his
buddies.
He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring loudly.
The
woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. So she goes to the
closet
again,
grabs a piece of blue ribbon, and ties it around her husband's
testicles.
Amazingly,
it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly. The husband wakes from
a
drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As
he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a
blue
ribbon
attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks
back
into the bedroom,
he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He
shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't know where we
were
Max, or what we did, but, by God, we got first and second place!"
 |
 |
Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free
FOUND:
DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat... been out awhile...
better
be reward.
HOW
TO THOROUGHLY CLEAN THE TOILET
1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will
self-agitate and make ample suds (never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse.")
5. Have someone open the door to the outside. (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
7. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. Both the commode and the cat will now be sparkling clean!
ANIMAL MAGNETISM
The Hardest Part Of Being A Seeing Eye Dog
AA FOR DOGS
THE PERFECT DOG !!!
